From a Wife and Daughter of an Alcoholic
From Alma. [Wife]
Pierre asked that I share my experience of his drink problem and detailing the life afterwards.
He was already drinking when we started dating [1985]. This caused many quarrels. He often drank badly and it was unpleasant to be in his company, though he never tried to hit me.
Then he could not walk properly, talk or dance, but he always wanted to drive his own car again which would start a fight.
After we got married, he’d sometimes disappear on his drinking sprees. Then he was maybe at a bar, but mostly with his drinking friends. I waited for him for hours, until I’d hear his car moving into the yard.
When the children, Jessica and Juan Pierre, were born and he disappeared; I experienced mixed emotions, following close to each other.
You should know, on Friday afternoons when I came home from work, I never knew what to expect. Pierre might be at home, drunk, or he could not even been there at all. If it’s the latter, I saw him again the next morning. I would return by evening and spend the night praying that he should return or someone just let me know where he is.
There were times I hated him and even wished that he would die, because then at least I would always know where he is.
When I’d wonder where he was and how much he had to drink, I was sometimes rude with my children. I made many excuses for him. For example, my family had not known that he was drinking. I always had one excuse or another for where he is or why me and the kids went somewhere alone. I did not want my family to come to visit on weekends, because he may be drunk. If he disappeared somewhere, and came home he’d usually be very drunk resulting in a quarrel. He ignored me and it made me even angrier. I would even hand out a few slaps and sometimes I threw his glasses and broke them. I felt guilty afterwards, because it’s not what I wanted to be for my children.
It was just because I felt so powerless. Pierre disappeared on Saturday night and phoned me late that night from the police station. He said that his car was stolen and now they again found it. He came home and only to fetch his spare key because he said they found his car, but was now looking for his keys.
Then he left and only came home Sunday afternoon. Meanwhile, a police sergeant called me to ask about Pierre because Pierre was supposed to go see him that morning. When Pierre finally arrived home, he’d say that he was actually caught for drunk driving and that he was locked up for the night. I had enough, and did not even have the energy to fight at all.
We went on the Monday morning I went to the sergeant with Pierre and also went to court.
The case was postponed and we had the afternoon, we saw our preacher. He said he could arrange that Pierre was admitted the next day to Welbedacht center. I had him admitted the next day, because he wanted to get help. He was admitted for three weeks and over weekends could come home, but he chose to stay the full period to build his confidence. Since he was there, we are very open about his problem and my family gave their full support in everything. Although I tried to hide it my from my family, they still knew of the problem.
Now we don’t wonder anymore what to expect. Pierre and I have attended functions where alcohol is freely available, but he is not interested. I then tell him that he is strong and he changed as a person. I know him and trust him, without doubt, alone or with other men, to go places.
Sometimes Pierre would tease the children and said that he had to go buy beer, then they became angry with him and even scared of him. Initially Pierre did not want Jessica to talk about things at school, but realized that it was her way to process things and that she is proud of her father.
In church Pierre has given a full written testimony. Many of the parishioners were shocked to hear everything. So it shows you how good we all can hide problems. I hope the testimony will be of value to others.
Love
Alma.
From Jessica.
When my dad drank, I continued to pray. A day at the beach, I told my dad that it’s not nice to drink and it hurts Jesus’ heart.
My father decided to go to a center. We all rejoiced. I, my mother and my brother visited every weekend. When he came out of the center, I felt that my prayers were answered.
Now that my father stopped drinking everything better at home.